morphic_web: Zelgadis from an anime "Slayers" (Default)
For backstory to lead in: My job has been ridiculous lately. Almost everyone has quit that was worth a damn, or they were fired for some reason or another. There's only a few of us left. I was giving up. I was giving in. I was satisfied to be a slacker from here on out. Just go in and do my time and go home. I work over night.

The night before last, so, Saturday night going into Sunday? One of my shift leaders pulled me aside to discuss my performance. Can't lie, I deserved it. I was giving up on the job. Still, it was so so difficult to hear. The sheer hopelessness at the job has been weighing on me for a while now. It seemed no amount of effort would save us.

So then, last night, Monday going into Tuesday... I went Berserker. So much so that it felt like I was channeling a past life where I truly was a Berserker. One of the Norsemen. I always felt like I might have been but after how much I tapped 'Berserker' skills last night? It became unequivocally true. I was frothing at the mouth, wild, and crazy. But so crystal clear. All of the rage and fury and anxiety was channeled DIRECTLY into what I was doing. I had to keep putting a bumper on some of the wild thoughts to make it stay stable at first, but then it locked down. I was a warrior. The only difference is instead of fighting a battle against men, it was a battle of self against self. The will to do what 'must-be-done'.

The thing about such a resolution is you can't open it back up again after you decide. Sometimes, a decision has to stand. It has to remain. It will not falter. It can't. It won't.


morphic_web: Zelgadis from an anime "Slayers" (Default)

October 2016

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