2016-05-26

morphic_web: Zelgadis from an anime "Slayers" (Default)
I felt like exploding. I let myself cry a little and it helped, although I don't know what else I can do. I meditate, I do fun things, and I'm trying not to drink or smoke to fix it. It doesn't, but neither is not doing it. At 31 I'm still being treated as if I'm 16 - 19. I don't get enough interaction even if I beg for it all day long that is beneficial enough to counteract it for too long.

I do things I'm proud to have done, but even 10 seconds of celebration isn't enough. I say even, because it's rare I'm allotted even that much before the forsaken strip me of my bravery. Like a rock I stand between the tide, but slowly I'm eroding. As the twin rivers of Rage and Bitter Angst flow constantly aside my misshapen pieces. I have cracked and joined them with the loose sediment I could gather, but this too is washed away.

I will become sand and sink beneath the waves... I wish I could be taken out of the river for a while. Just for a while. Or maybe for more than a while. Preferably that, but. I really would settle for just that bit.

But maybe I will become the sand and sink. Maybe that's what should happen. I can't see an up-side though.

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morphic_web: Zelgadis from an anime "Slayers" (Default)
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October 2016

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