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For backstory to lead in: My job has been ridiculous lately. Almost everyone has quit that was worth a damn, or they were fired for some reason or another. There's only a few of us left. I was giving up. I was giving in. I was satisfied to be a slacker from here on out. Just go in and do my time and go home. I work over night.
The night before last, so, Saturday night going into Sunday? One of my shift leaders pulled me aside to discuss my performance. Can't lie, I deserved it. I was giving up on the job. Still, it was so so difficult to hear. The sheer hopelessness at the job has been weighing on me for a while now. It seemed no amount of effort would save us.
So then, last night, Monday going into Tuesday... I went Berserker. So much so that it felt like I was channeling a past life where I truly was a Berserker. One of the Norsemen. I always felt like I might have been but after how much I tapped 'Berserker' skills last night? It became unequivocally true. I was frothing at the mouth, wild, and crazy. But so crystal clear. All of the rage and fury and anxiety was channeled DIRECTLY into what I was doing. I had to keep putting a bumper on some of the wild thoughts to make it stay stable at first, but then it locked down. I was a warrior. The only difference is instead of fighting a battle against men, it was a battle of self against self. The will to do what 'must-be-done'.
The thing about such a resolution is you can't open it back up again after you decide. Sometimes, a decision has to stand. It has to remain. It will not falter. It can't. It won't.
The night before last, so, Saturday night going into Sunday? One of my shift leaders pulled me aside to discuss my performance. Can't lie, I deserved it. I was giving up on the job. Still, it was so so difficult to hear. The sheer hopelessness at the job has been weighing on me for a while now. It seemed no amount of effort would save us.
So then, last night, Monday going into Tuesday... I went Berserker. So much so that it felt like I was channeling a past life where I truly was a Berserker. One of the Norsemen. I always felt like I might have been but after how much I tapped 'Berserker' skills last night? It became unequivocally true. I was frothing at the mouth, wild, and crazy. But so crystal clear. All of the rage and fury and anxiety was channeled DIRECTLY into what I was doing. I had to keep putting a bumper on some of the wild thoughts to make it stay stable at first, but then it locked down. I was a warrior. The only difference is instead of fighting a battle against men, it was a battle of self against self. The will to do what 'must-be-done'.
The thing about such a resolution is you can't open it back up again after you decide. Sometimes, a decision has to stand. It has to remain. It will not falter. It can't. It won't.
